This is the introduction to a series of posts on common misconceptions about mindfulness.
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Mindfulness is not about relaxing
Whilst being mindful reduces stress for most it is not about stress reduction.
Let me explain. When practising mindfulness if we strive for any particular state, such as relaxation, then this becomes the bar by which our experiences are judged. Whatever happens in our experience will be compared and contrasted with our intended state, that of being relaxed. Psychologists call this discrepancy monitoring.
Now, discrepancy monitoring is a useful skill to have. It allows us to improve. However, the comparing mind takes us out of the present moment and into judgment which is an unmindful state. To strive for relaxation, and therefore monitor our progress towards it during meditation, can paradoxically prevent us from relaxing.
I find it helpful to see meditation less as a way of changing experiences, and more about changing how we relate to them. Sometimes we will experience tension in the body, and difficult, powerful thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we are not able to relax in this moment perhaps there is nothing that can be done to relax during the whole time we are meditating. Can we be ok with this experience? The stuckness of it. Sometimes, but not always, the result of accepting that we cannot change our state at one moment is then relaxation, but not always. And can we be ok with that too?
READ PART 4 HERE
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